I am the proud owner of two vicious pets.
Drew (eight) and Brook (six).
They are strange to me, and I am constantly learning new things about their behaviour, but up to this point there are three things of which I’m certain:
1. Drew likes Pirates. He has a massive, wheeled toolbox full of Lego Pirate stuff.
2. Brook likes hamsters. She has a pet hamster called “Satsuki” (I know, it sounds like a cross between a little orange and a motorbike, but what can you do?), which she generally hugs, man-handles and sings to.
In turn the hamster keeps Brook awake at night by gnawing the bars of it’s cage, wreaking a sort of “Hamster Revenge” for the constant squeezing it gets.
3. The pair should be kept separate, at least from the point when blows are first exchanged.
With this in mind I’ve drawn a picture, which might stop them arguing for five minutes.
This is Captain Phineas T Furball, notorious Pirate hamster.
It’s a sad story really. He longs for a swashbuckling, devil-may-care life upon the ocean waves, but he can’t stop himself from chewing his own boat to bits.
* I do this sort of thing for a job….unbelievable isn’t it!